december 18th, 2008

i think today should be the day. let me tell you why.

i love the date.
i have this thing about even numbers. i really like them. nic is the same way actually, which is a cute thing we both have in common :) when we were dating, he was kind of crazy about it. on the volume in his car- it HAD to be on an even number. If i would turn it up or down and leave it on an odd number, he would change it. i don't think he does this anymore... but we both like the evens. i think a week before Christmas is def. not ideal, but it is better than 2 days before..or a day after. december 18th. is today THE DAY?
i am breaking down.
Julie warned me of this day- when all i could do is cry and think that i just couldn't go on. i haven't cried yet today- but i did yesterday. janell texted me to ask me how was I feeling and for some reason that nice act really sent me over the edge. how am i feeling? miserable. stretched. child-less. anxious. nervous. impatient. excited. sick to my stomach.
my ankles are going to get stretch marks.
my ankles/legs/fingers have been really swollen for the last 4 months or so. my feet are especially bad. i can only wear one pair of shoes- my red vans. they are the only things that will fit and even those took me about 5 minutes to put on yesterday. i do have one pair to wear to church too- they look horrendous. my chubby little feet are spilling over the confines of the flats. not pretty. we went to the hospital on sunday. did you know that? well, i was feeling pretty crappy at church so we left after Sacrament meeting and went to walgreens so i could test my blood pressure. it was high, of course. 155/95. so, we called the on call doctor because i also hadn't been feeling Daphne move as much as she used to- so that worried me too- he said to come in. so, we did. the nurses were really sweet. they checked me out and monitored Daphne. She looked good. Nothing to worry about. My blood pressure finally went down after being there for an hour and 1/2. they took some blood, ran some tests that all came back good and then sent us home. babyless once again. When they were examining me they looked at my swollen ankles and you could tell they felt really bad for me. And really bad for for Nic and anyone else who has to see my legs without pants on (including themselves) they said my swollen ankles were a "plus 2" I asked if that was like the max you could be puffed up. She laughed and said: oh, no! But inside she was probably saying: yes, but i don't want to break your heart, you already have cankles, i don't want you to completely lose your will to live.
our bags are packed.
and they are waiting anxiously for us by the front door, wanting to make themselves useful at madison memorial hospital. we packed them up on sunday for our first hospital trip, just in case. i have so few things that i can wear that i have to do laundry every like 2 days in order to keep our bag packed. its a joy.
the house is clean.
nic is amazing, if you haven't heard. he has been working so hard lately. as i write this he is cleaning the toilets. what a gem. the house is looking great- daphne's room especially. it is all ready. last week when i thought i was really dying to have the baby (now i know that THIS is what dying to have the baby really feels like) the house was a wreck. it wouldn't have been as fun to bring a new baby home to- or let my mom and mother in law in our house. now, we're ready and so is the house.
it is sunny today.
ever since the last day of school, its been snowing like crazy. i am already sick of winter, and it won't even officially be winter till next week. awful. nic's plan to move to costa rica is sounding better with each dip in the thermometer. today, while there is still a foot of snow on the ground and a thick layer of ice/snow packed onto the road (rexburg doesn't plow... it's awesome) it is sunny! i'm excited. i love the look of snow with sun. it reminds me of..... COLORADO!!! (i bet you couldn't see that coming) There are even patches of our driveway that are clear- you can see CEMENT! what a huge improvement.
bad night/ good morning.
last night when we were going to bed nic said to me: i hope your water breaks tonight. i concured. i am not going to blame him for my lack of sleep last night, but i couldn't sleep! i think it was a mixture of things. I got up 3 times to go to the bathroom- not cool. then, from 3:30-5:30 daphne was kicking LIKE CRAZY. she was seriously trying to bust out of my skin. (i am not sure knows which direction to make her escape- but it is NOT through my ribs) I really love feeling her move around. I am going to miss that- but last night- mixed with all of my excited feelings it just meant i couldn't sleep. then, i got hungry. then i was just feeling weird things happening... i really thought we were progressing! but alas, no. I think around 8:30 i got up for the 4th time. when i got back in bed, nic had switched me places and pillows (his pillow is awesome) and for some reason, that's all i needed! So, we slept in till 11:30. i know, lazies. But, if we do go into labor today at least i am well rested.
bangs{check} eyebrows{check} eyelashes{check}
i am weird. i picture things in my mind and then want them to be exactly that way. there is so much of the unknown in my mind about labor/delivery so i want to pin down the things i do know. for the past couple of weeks, when i picture holding daphne for the first time, i have straight-across bangs (not my normal to the side bangs) so, on sunday, i cut my bangs to match this picture in my head. I also knew i better catch up on the simple grooming habits that i occassionally (ok.. all the time..) let slide. like my awesome pedersen brows. i knew they would have to get some attention before the birth- because i have a sneaky feeling i won't have all this free time on my hands anymore. then, on saturday we were watching TV and saw this commerical for mascara. did i need new mascara? NO... but, i didn't matter. I just HAD to have this stuff! Its the kind that is white and extends your lashes by 60% and then you put on black over top. I was seriously tempted to break the sabbath to buy it- i REALLY wanted it- and after I saw that ad, a new element of my daphne's birthday picture in my head was added- i had to have super long, awesome lashes. well, as of monday- i've got them.